There’s nothing more important than our dreams because without them we lack purpose (you matter), worthiness (you are enough) and people (you do belong.)
We need them in order to reach our fullest potential, to risk the loneliness of rejection (to become unlonely) and to have enduring connection doing what we long to do and yearn to become.
But why then, do we instead find excuses and resist our dreams? Or even worse smash them unconsciously?
It’s important to become aware of our deep-rooted patterns that get between our dreams and us. To stare the beast of the Dream Smasher right into his beady eyes and smash him instead with a gigantic hammer.
Every Friday night when I was growing up, we would have Shabbas dinner with our extended family. It was always a big deal and my mother cooked for it all week.
Mom expected us to dress up in our nicest clothes and I was expected to act like a lady especially for my mother’s father, Big Daddy.
Mom liked me in a skirt below my knees, small earrings, my hair off my face so “you could see my eyes,” tights and shoes without too much of a heel.
I spent careful meticulous time making sure I was put together appropriately to win my mother’s approval.
But without fail, I would walk down the stairs ready for dinner and mother would look for what was wrong, there was always something to fix to make me better, a bow that needed to be re-tied. That is how my mother showed me love. It’s what she knew.
But, what I didn’t know is that I would internalize this pattern and spend decades into adulthood looking for what needed to be fixed in me, spending countless hours in therapy addressing “my problems” rather than focusing on all the good about me.
I actually thought I was doing the RIGHT THING. That it took courage to face my demons and keep my attention hyper-vigantly on a problem that needed fixing. But what I didn’t know is that the focus on the rest of me (not the crooked bow) was what was most important to live my most joyful, happy, contented life.
I admit that this pattern of fixing what was wrong in order to be and become a better person projected out onto everyone one I loved unconsciously. And for that I am so very sorry.
The Judger (also known as the perfectionist) focuses on right and wrong, is in aversion to seeing the positive, caught in black and white, and uses that to feel good about who you are.
It’s a need for complete control. Ultimately it is a way we try to gain dominion over our fears. But the real reason is because we’re afraid of love. We are rarely taught how to love because so many of us felt unsafe with love as children.
But when we let go—or let be— we open to the vulnerability of our hearts and we see the light in each equation, acknowledge the good and let it in, embody the love within us first and then radiate it out, encompassing all we come into contact with.
There are other ways, of course, that we get in our way and smash our dreams unknowingly. But I’m wondering if this might be a pattern for you too in some way.
Is there a way today to focus on the positive rather than what might be wrong? To see the light rather than the darkness? To embrace love rather than fear?
To walk down the stairs feeling radiantly whole and complete just as you are? And to create a big bold beautiful life with a positive shift of perspective, more peace and a shot of hopeful inspiration, so you can achieve your dreams and have the life and relationships you long for?
Wishing you your greatest dreams in the fullness of who you are!!!