After having many relationships, I became acutely aware of the different transitions we go through in partnership. Over time, I’ve learned how to not be so afraid of them.
One fun way that illustrates various relationship transitions nicely is through the tool of numerology. (I know. Numerology? How very woo-woo of you, Lynn!)
But hear me out. Numerology can be an interesting way to receive insight into how we come together and grow apart throughout different cycles of our relationships.
So let’s dive in and see what the meaning of numerals have to teach us about the many dimensions of relationships:
#1: The number one is all about you, solo, focusing on your own life, and fulfilling your own wants and needs. You are dating and getting to know people, perhaps the person who may become your future partner.
#2: You meet someone special and become two. This is when all that great merging, sexy, stop-calling-your-friends-for-awhile-because-you’re-so-in-loooove stuff happens. You want to spend all your juicy, yummy time with the new person.
The fairy dust period may go on for 6 months or a year, depending on how much time you spend together. You never fight. You don’t think you will have any conflicts. You’re certain this relationship is nothing like your last one. And maybe it is.
#3: You make a commitment. You move in together or get engaged. It’s two (you and your new partner) plus one (the commitment). This can be a very exciting time because you’re settling in with each other and building your future.
#4: You begin to stabilize. The stool, which was at first three legs now has four. You may get married. You may buy a home together or get pregnant. This is a time for great celebration and all your friends and family come together to share in the joy for the two of you as a couple. Or, maybe you don’t get married yet (or ever) but you start settling into together in a deeper way.
But, then something starts to happen . . . That something is called:
Basically, for some time now you’ve been enmeshed. You’ve had all these great experiences together and fun times, but need to return to the focus of your work and normal day-to-day responsibilities.
This is the stage when petty arguments disagreements, disappointments, and conflict come in,. There are three main reasons for this:
1.) You’re getting to know each other’s shadow. This is the time to learn to love, accept, and have compassion for each other’s flaws, shortcomings, and wounds in order to ease the transition and make it better.
2.) You feel the loss of the other because now you need to go your independent ways, while still trying to make time for each other. This is when you need to remember to schedule date nights, find time for sex, learn to communicate more effectively, express your needs, and make compromises.
Your relationship can also feel less exciting and ordinary in the day-to-day, which can be lonely and disheartening if you don’t appreciate the simple and natural pleasures of daily life with gratitude.
3.) You no longer want to be enmeshed. You want to get back to yourself, achieve your own dreams outside of the relationship, and to increase your self-care. This can be very clearly and lovingly communicated to your partner, as long as you don’t make it seem like a rejection or abandonment. Usually the other person not only accepts it as a necessary, but also admits to wanting space for him or herself as well.
Regardless, this can be an uncomfortable time, and could cause you worry and confusion—but you don’t have to let it!
#6: Six is the number of harmony restored after the disruption of number five.
Hooray! As the old adage says, this too shall pass . . . And if you let go and allow some time and space for the other to grow independently, you both will get to the other side with love.
It’s the calm after the storm that brings peace, contentment, self-acceptance, cooperation, and satisfaction. It comes if you choose it. This takes more loving-kindness, patience, and compassion.
You’re done with the conflict. You’re back in each other’s arms. You want to attend to each other’s needs and care for the other with nurturance.
But what if your partner isn’t willing? If you embodied these qualities fully, he or she will reflect that back to you. But if, after a long while, they still aren’t willing to reciprocate, you may desire to leave the relationship. (This is where we get the cliché of the seven-year itch.)
#7: Now that everything is settled, another disruption comes.
This disruption is different than what you experienced with five, however. It’s a time to up your game, bring greater variety (creativity in your partnership and sex life), activity (go on more date nights, travel, have fun) and expansion (what new discoveries could you explore together?).
It’s also a time to wake up something inside of you. You’re ready to start planning a new direction for yourself and are contemplating and preparing for a change, and this could create some struggle. It may disrupt the harmony again because you’re drawing into your own world (another reason why it’s important to still find time to be together).
But you both feel more mature after going through some difficult phases and you’re both interested in putting forth the effort, dropping old belief systems, and proving to yourself that you can achieve something new together.
#8: It’s all about your POWER.
This is a time when you start using your energy wisely, manifesting your intentions, and being enthused and determined to take massive, swift action toward your desired destination.
You have confidence and a strong mind, and feel like a success who is driven by strength, vitality and expansive energy.
Your relationship supports this because your partner is proud of you. They want your success. And you want them to be successful too. You are co-creating your individual life purposes and you have faith in each other.
#9: Number 9 is all about the end of a lifecycle in your relationships.
It reminds me of the quote from Rainer Maria Rilke. It’s worth putting the whole quote here because it sums it all up so nicely:
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
At any given time, we can cycle through the feelings and situations described by each number. It helps to be aware of them.
Which number are you experiencing now in your relationships and why? Shoot me a reply to this email if you’d like to share with me.
Wishing you joy and love and everything you desire in your relationships!