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Does Self-Help Really Help?

Self-Help itself has become over a ten billion dollar industry in the U.S. alone.

 

 

It begs one to question how much self-improvement books, seminars, coaching programs; infomercials, holistic institutes and training companies really help us.

 

 

Statistics show the purchaser of a Self-Help book is more likely to be the same person who purchased one already in the last 18 months.

 

 

For many years, I was a perpetual seeker. Because of an innate sense that there was something wrong with me, and a belief I picked up as a child who was adopted that I was “unwanted.” I constantly looked outside of myself to find respite, feel loved, and to know my worth.

 

 

There was nothing wrong with my intention to heal. Nothing wrong with all the many modalities I studied.

 

 

What was wrong is how I held onto them for dear life, along with the conditioned belief why I needed them. In the judgment that I wasn’t enough, I perpetuated my problems.

 

 

I was searching and seeking for the one magic thing outside of me, which could heal the lie I lived by: That I was broken.

 

 

I was taught while getting my spiritual psychology Masters degree, We’re all spiritual beings having a human experience. For decades, I focused on the spiritual part, but what about just being human?

 

 

We want to believe a life-changing transformation will come upon us and one day like magic, we’ll wake up and all of our issues will have vanished.

 

 

I was looking for something outside of me to save me, to rescue me and most importantly, to change me, rather than just let myself be all that I was.

 

 

Without the pressure, grasping and need to fill what I thought I was lacking, I could feel at home with myself and find peace.

 

 

I could have more acceptance and compassion for what arose in me. And rather than fix it, try to change it – allow it to be present to just exist. I didn’t have to do anything. I was free.

 

 

Here are some questions to ponder . . .

 

 

What if:

 

 

There was nothing you HAD to do to be different?

 

 

You could still better yourself without all the pressure?

 

 

You focused not on doing, doing, doing, going, going, going, but just being and learning?

 

 

If you were good enough just the way you are in all your messy glory?

 

 

I know it may seem like I’m being a hypocrite. I am after all offering “self-help” support. It may seem silly that I offer advice to people when my own life is far from perfect.

 

 

I’ve collected wisdom over the years and don’t always apply it. Or I know what to do or say but don’t do or say it. Or I think, after some life experience, that I will know everything.

 

 

We have opportunities in life to let go of what we think we know about our beliefs. Nothing is set in stone. We must remember our inherent creative nature is one of fluidity.

 

 

Yes, there is inner work to be done. Growth, change, self-awareness, and healing are all crucial.

 

 

So many people avoid doing the inner work that is necessary.

 

 

But the mechanism that drives us to fix, perfect, and change is, in its own way, another unconscious way we can get trapped—by holding onto the belief that there is something we need to do to become a better person.

 

 

This mechanism drives us to look outside of ourselves, to avoid having to accept ourselves as enough, who we are right now, in this moment as worthy and good.

 

 

What if:

 

 

All that you need is already here?

 

 

It already exists inside of you?

 

 

You are be bigger than what your limited perception understand at this moment?

 

 

You don’t have to force it?

 

 

You dropped the intense effort to seek it out, find it, discover it . . . Could it possibly reveal itself on its own?

 

 

Whatever lives and breathes inside you is already beating loudly?

 

 

Wishing you freedom from the need to be healed!


 

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Lynn Newman