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After Loss, How To Feel Alive Again

I remember a time I was breaking up with someone I loved.

 

It was like a movie.

 

Me: Tears streaming down my face.

 

Him: Telling me I had a halo over my head and would always be his angel.

 

I watched him walk out the door as if in slow motion, turn and wave his hand. Then, not knowing what to do, I crawled into bed and pulled the sheets over my head, before crying myself to sleep.

 

The next day, I didn’t want to get up but I forced myself to meet a friend. She asked how the break up went. I told her the story as my tears fell and then said,

 

“I know this sounds crazy, but I feel so alive.”

 

When we feel something so deeply, it’s like everything stops. It’s like everything turns 3D and we can trace every particle.

 

Can you remember moments in your life when you felt this way? A breakup, a time when someone passed, or another kind of goodbye, perhaps?

 

I remember exactly what I was doing when my dog was put down, and my father closed his eyes, and I said my final goodbye to the empty house I lived in with my ex.  

 

The reason why is because we’re wildly present.

 

We’re attuned and awake and realizing in the moment that what’s happening is life changing. We’re literally observing a moment in time passing us by.

 

But you know what?

 

In every moment, every second, every out breath, something is passing away.

 

It’s gone.

 

And when we think about it that way, it makes it easier to stay in tune.

 

Every moment of our day could be like a movie that we’re observing and starring in. That’s how we direct the movie of our life to be great.

 

Not by trying to control an outcome, or wishing it could be different, or holding on when there’s nothing left to grasp.

 

But by becoming aware that THIS is also now an ending. And now this . . . and this . . . With every ending . . . with every period . . . we breathe.

 

It’s the space between the periods that makes us feel so alive . . .

 

The moments when we don’t know what’s next. The second when we let go and rest in the gap.

 

When everything becomes so still that you can see the energy in the room waver, and the space between you and your sight shimmer. Your body vibrates ever so slightly. And your senses awaken to the pulse of your heart beating . . .  

 

THAT’S what it means to be alive. To be present to all that life brings, as you watch it leave again right in front of your eyes.

 

Like a movie.

 

When we can observe our life like this, we’re no longer caught in our feelings.

 

We’re free.

 

Safe in those spaces in between.

 

Wishing you true aliveness to eternity!

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Lynn Newman